HOW I GOT HERE FROM THERE
I questioned from the word go.
I remember feeling the sense of oneness in the den I built in the woods when I was 10 or 11, 2 miles or so from my house. I recall a knowing that God would talk back to me some day at 14 when I walked over St Mary’s bridge in Plympton where I grew up in Devon. When I got pregnant too young I researched the natural way to give birth when I was 19.
I continued to question, to read, to ask people how they did things, so that I could develop my own style.
The time in my life when I raised my 3 children was wonderful for its mothering and empty for the lack of a real relationship with their father. I chose to breastfeed. The first one stopping altogether when I tried to cut down feeds made me reluctant to dictate to the others and they continued for several years. I learned a lot from mothers in the National Childbirth Trust (later becoming a breastfeeding counsellor), the La Leche League and the Association of Breastfeeding Mothers. I learned that my children were wise and had a lot to teach me. I listened. I decided that I would endeavour to be the mother that each of them needed. Needless to say that was different for each and I didn’t always succeed.
I rode my bicycle every day through it all; putting more seats on it until the 3rd one arrived and then I bought a tandem. They got their own bikes too. I didn’t send them to school.
I realised how unhappy I was in my marriage one day when I went to visit my mother in Devon and I laughed 'til I cried. I realised that I hadn’t laughed since the last time I had visited her, and that had been a year previously.
My friend told me about Rebirthing breathwork. I ignored him. I, and then we, went to relate. The counsellor challenged me with “So you are telling me that your love is conditional”. I realised that she was right. My friend told me about Rebirthing again "It’s brutal but it’s quick”. I went.
I faced the fear of being alone. I found out that it was wonderful. I raised my children alone after a bitter court battle. They went to school.
I took in sewing to pay for my rebirther training. I started rebirthing people. I decided that I would like to develop my sense of intuition.
I went to college and took an HND. I got a proper job. I did a firewalk.
I explored relationships with some lovely men who were spiritual travellers too, and some that weren’t. One rode an old Bonnie (Triumph Bonneville motorbike) and he reckoned when we split up I’d learn to ride a bike myself. I did. 3 weeks after my CBT I went out climbing and later dancing to a live band I liked, and on the way home got seriously injured by a drunk driver. The surgeon saved my leg. I had an external fixator in it for 5 months. My daughter had just finished her degree, she gave up her flat and looked after me for 6 months until her trip to South Africa. I fought to walk again, went back to work after 6 months, and 2 years later took my bike test on my red Bandit 600.
While I was off work, the company was taken over and we were made redundant. I trained in Remedial Massage that I had found so helpful in my recuperation.
The thread that ran through my life for years was the search for a mate who liked me. I saw him on a rock when climbing in Derbyshire, finally tracing him by posting on a message board on a climbing site some months later. We got together. I sold my house and bought a camper to live in so I could be with him. Every day I give thanks to God for a lovely day. It’s a new adventure with someone, the path is different.